Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Home sweet home...Man-cave...or??

Recently I had occasion to notice something about myself, and wonder about it.  It doesn't happen very often because I know myself pretty well.  So, here is what happened.

Lulie, my good woman left for a three week visit to L.A.  Leaving me to my own devices.  Life went on...then about two and a half weeks into this I noticed that my house didn't really look the same as it did when she left.  Upon further speculation I realized that I had only used one fork during that whole time; it made me wonder what else I had done that was odd.

I had used a total of two bath towels, because if the one I used had dried sufficiently by the next time I used it, there didn't seem any need to get a fresh one.  I remember getting a new one one day because, even though it had dried...it didn't smell good and I noticed that.

At the risk of embarrassing myself further; on days when I wore my kilt I never took my shoes off, I just slept in them.  One less step getting dressed in the morning when I put my kilt back on.

The kitchen, well...that was a sight!  I had done one load of dishes that was still in the dishwasher but the sink was piled high with stuff, and the two refrigerators were full of spoiling food.

OK, I have never been what I consider to be a slob...really!!  So what happened?  and, more importantly...why hadn't I noticed?  The truth is that I didn't notice until I had some people over that needed to come in the house.  I warned them about the state of things, explaining Lulies absence.  One of them said that it had turned into a man-cave.

I thought about that, and had to disagree.  It was not a man-cave, no...Man-caves are fun.  It had turned into a "lair".  What is a lair? you ask.  Well, if you watched the old Batman shows the evil villains hung out in their lair, but the dictionary says:

Definition of LAIR

dialect British : a resting or sleeping place : bed
a : the resting or living place of a wild animal : den
b : a refuge or place for hiding

It's true, my home had become a lair and I hadn't even noticed.  So focused was I on the bare essentials of life; eating, sleeping bathing, going to the bathroom, feeding the animals, etc.  I forgot to actually live in the absence of Lulie. 
I went and picked her up today at the airport.  I apologized in advance for the state of things, and told her about my "Lair" theory.  She is so great...wow.  She didn't really blink an eye, she understands me more than I do sometimes.  This is what she said:
As an "alpha male"; (on the higher end of the testosterone scale) run of the mill domestic necessities are simply not on my radar.  I am too pre-occupied with "killing the deer".  I asked, and what she means by that is; my vision becomes narrowed and focused on the individual task at hand, tasks that are high on my priority such as eating, feeding the animals, going to work, sleeping, general man stuff, etc.  In that mode my brain does not register little things out of place, or a half cup of coffee on the counter with a film of mold over it because those things are not relevant to my priority list.  And, since I have a woman, my mind is not occupied with the acquisition of a woman...only on existing until she returns. 
So, that is what my love said, and after thinking about it...I think she nailed it.  When she came home she turned on the radio and I realized I hadn't listened to music in three weeks either.
Look, I know there will be some people reading this that say "C'mon...you are just a pig, stop making excuses."  Or, they might say that I am a chauvinist bastard just waiting for the woman to do all the work.  Ok, I get it...you are entitled to your opinions, but I respectfully disagree, and this is why.
I have had occasion to live on my own before, without a woman, and I actually keep a spartan but orderly house.  What Lulie made me understand is; it is BECAUSE  I have a woman that I resort to lair mode when she isn't here...because in my caveman brain I have been made gloriously free to just hunt, to just be myself without worrying about whats going on in the cave, because we as a couple have determined that is her domain.  The fact that she is gone for a little while doesn't change that.
Ok, ok, ok....yes.  Now that I have made this realization, the next time she leaves I will be more prepared, more aware.  I will not let mold grow in coffee cups, I will take my shoes off to sleep, I may even use more than one fork.  Being honest though, I know there are still many things I won't notice, I won't notice them because they just won't seem important to me.  As long as she understands that...I guess it's ok.
It should also be noted that during this three week period I was on a special "hunt", and was more singularly focused than I might be otherwise because I was putting my eBook together; first time, lots to learn etc.  That is NOT an excuse, merely a fact.  For those interested you can read about the book at www.alfsbook.com 
I would be interested to hear your comments about this, as long as they aren't too mean, lol.  Have any of you experienced a similar revelation?


  1. I are that type of man every time I am left alone for a while :P

  2. I notice this as well when Linda leaves for a few days. Then I look around and end up trying to make the house look like she had it before leaving. Usually I end up missing a few things but I try to prioritize my "list" before she gets home.